Second Call Intercepted at the Whitehouse – This Time Between Biden and Zelinsky – August 15, 2022

This is the second call intercepted at the Whitehouse, but this time it is between President Biden and President Zelinsky of Ukraine. As always, these intercepted calls cannot be officially verified and the methods used are kept secret. As usual, this has to be categorized as a “parody”.

Call begins: 
“Hello, President Biden, are you on the line? I wanted to update you on the situation here in Ukraine sir.” Zelinsky said. 
“Yes, it’s me.” Biden answered. “It’s good to hear from you. The consortium has been very concerned on what’s going on in Ukraine. Fill me in on the details and I’ll pass it along to the other members in London.”

“Well, I don’t have good news sir.” Zelinsky began. “We’re losing between 1,000 and 2,000 soldiers a day. And the Himar rocket systems have been getting destroyed by the Russians on the front lines before we can even use them.”

“What?!?” Biden shouted over the phone. “Do you realize how much those rockets cost man?” 
“Yes sir, I know they must be expensive state of the art military equipment.” Zelinsky answered in a meek tone. “But there is a lot of corruption in this eastern European country, and most of the equipment gets stolen by officers until only 30% of what you’re sending arrives to the troops.”

“Oh my god man! There’s your problem right here!” Biden responded angrily. “Those Himar rockets, just 6 of them, cost $1 million! How many have been lost?”

“Well sir, it is hard to keep track of exactly how many actually make it to the eastern front, but in one day alone we lost 300 of them in one bombing attack by the Russians.” Zelinsky explained.

“Oh my god! I’m dealing with incompetent, freshman new signers.” Biden said. “Look man, let me explain something to you. Get comfortable this may take a while. Remember that costume party we attended in France? Don’t answer that, it is a rhetorical question. We all signed papers, in blood mind you, to do whatever it took to establish the New World Order. My god man! If you don’t end up holding up your part of the bargain, you’ll end having your face torn off and worn by someone like Hillary! And furthermore, didn’t we give you several expensive chateaus and a $35 million mansion in south Florida? Don’t answer that. It says plainly in the contract you signed that you would belong to the consortium so we could destroy Russia and start world war 3. You can’t even use the terlet without our permission man!”

“The terlet?’ Lewinsky asked. “Being for Europe I’m not familiar with that word.”

“Well, there’s your problem right there! Pay attention man, focus!” Biden snapped. “The word terlet is northeastern slang for toilet. It plainly says in the contract, in paragraph 2, subsection P, that you can’t use the toilet without our permission.”

Zelinsky is quiet for a few seconds as noise can be heard of him shuffling through the contract pages he had at his desk. ”Oh my, you’re right, I see that now.” Zelinsky says in a low voice. “But you have to understand sir, I’m doing the best I can with what I have. I’ve had to arrest several of my top officials when I caught them in a conspiracy to do a coup against me. And the generals are openly talking amongst themselves to overthrow me. If it wasn’t for your special forces sabotaging bridges and blowing up Russian ammo dumps, the only actions my troops are doing is in full retreats from the eastern front! Beside that sir, I thought that masquerade party we attended with the wealthy elite was just for fun and I didn’t take it seriously”

“My god man! There’s your problem right there!” Biden retorted. “You better start taking this seriously man. Or you won’t live long enough to enjoy the $ millions we gave you and the mansions we have waiting for you. Let me give you a quick history lesson. This all started when the Clintons took over the Whitehouse in their two terms. They wanted to be in power when the New World Order was established, they considered it a high honor. So they brought in nearly 400,000 foreign troops into Canada, the US and Mexico, ready for a takeover. But, unfortunately the plan was discovered and the deplorable patriot underground stopped the plan and then started impeachment against Bill Clinton. We then put up with the Bushes that helped fund the military industrial complex for a while with more wars. Then we got in Obama, who is running things as we speak behind the scenes. We all take orders from Obama here at the Whitehouse and in Congress, so this is actually his third term in office. Then we had Hillary slated to be the next president, but the voter fraud we had set up underestimated Trump’s popularity, and that set us back 4 years. Once we created the largest voter fraud program in history to get me elected, the word came down from the high-level global leaders to purge the planet and wipe the slate clean.”

“Wipe the slate clean?’ Zelinsky asked. “I don’t understand what that means Mr. President.”

“Good grief man! There’s your problem right there!” Biden hollered. “The next meeting you attend you need to pay attention. This is for all the marbles. They have been setting up another colony planet for decades for a breakaway society. Once the new planet was ready to sustain itself, they decided to pull the plug on this planet, and purge billions by wars, plagues, disease and inoculations of those stupid enough to take them.”

“Wait a minute, are you telling me there are aliens and other planets?” Zelinsky asked in shock.

“My god man, there’s your problem right there!” Biden responded. “Of course there are aliens, you met them at the party man! They were standing behind the table where you signed the contract!”

“Wait a second,” Zelinsky asked frantically. “all I saw was a bunch of people wearing reptilian masks and others had devil type masks.”

“For crying out loud man! There’s your problem right there!” Biden replied. “Those weren’t masks! Those were reptilian and Draconian aliens! They’re running the whole show man! The global elite joined forces with the alien overlords many decades ago, and now the decision has been handed down by the Draconians to start nuclear wars and wipe out 7 billion humans off the earth. That’s why the globalist have been provoking Russia and China! You didn’t think these wars just happen by accident, do you? Don’t answer that, it’s a rhetorical question. No leader in his right mind would provoke a war with a nuclear power unless he was actually wanting a full nuclear war! Look man, I know you are new to all of this, but you need to focus. This is the end game son, things are going to get fast and crazy from here on out. We have been sending millions of people off planet for over three decades now. And the public didn’t even know they were missing. We decided to start fresh on a new planet and set it up with total control right from the start of a new civilization. No need to put up with outdated, pesky constitutional freedoms. The masses this time are started out on drugs and remain in a hypnotic state as the ruling class seize all the profits of their labor. It is heaven for us man, you’ll love it.”

“My head is swimming sir, I think I’m getting dizzy by hearing all this.” Zelinsky said. “What do you want me to do?”

“Keep doing what you’re doing man, we have some false flag surprises for the Russians. And once they strike back at us in Europe, we’ll hit them hard with a nuclear attack. Then Putin will retaliate and hit the US mainland, then it’s game on. China will join forces with the Russians, as well as North Korea. Which means South Korea will be nuked, along with Japan. India will then nuke China, and they will destroy each other. Then Iran and Israel will go to war and also exchange nuclear strikes. At that point the entire planet is thrust into a nuclear winter that’s several degrees below zero for many years to come. But before that happens man, we’ll be in spaceships observing from a safe distance in space. We’ll be watching the whole thing take place and celebrating with Champaign as the final purge is completed. That my friend, is what we have all been waiting for, so we can re-set the planet and build back better. But with any success, it requires great sacrifice. And you have been chosen to be a part of this galactic program.”

“Well, it all sounds good.” Lewinsky said, “But if things here in Ukraine fail, what should I do?”

“It’s all lined out in the papers you signed.” Biden answered. “You then escape from Ukraine and hunker down in the place we gave you in the Netherlands. We will then start a nuclear war with Russia and soon after pick you up in a space ship. Even if you were killed in a war, we have your brain memory recorded on a computer disk and can place your memory into a new body or grow you a replacement, which is all your choice.”

“You are saying that I’m immortal?” Lewinsky asked. ”And my life can continue even if this body dies?”

“Oh course man! There’s your problem right there!”. Biden replied impatiently. “It’s all in the contract you signed, focus man, focus. Read the fine print. We have all the bases covered. We can’t lose, and you can’t lose. Just trust the program man, we have this on auto-pilot. You’ll have all the drugs and sex you want very soon.” 
(call ended)